i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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