sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
