rhymes with "ouble enetration"
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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