guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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