Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
