Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
