Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
