i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
