Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
