it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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