he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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