I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
