the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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