I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize