We're like a lot better than the average bears
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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