I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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