So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
