who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Randomize
