Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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