is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
