So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
