I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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