I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
and she was petting her beer can
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
