I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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