so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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