that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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