Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
