i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
