I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
