i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
