Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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