You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
