Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
