Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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