I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
