We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
