And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
