Whod you bang
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
