I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
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