i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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