Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Randomize
