Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
