I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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