Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
the liver wants what the liver wants
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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