she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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