I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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