I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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