Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
