I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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