Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
