No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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