are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
