anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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