She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
