How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
