I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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