Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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