apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
