I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
sarcasm needs its own font
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
