That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
