Just fell off a train. Bad.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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