I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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