Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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