all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
