I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
