The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
