I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
