all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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