but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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