i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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