pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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