hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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