I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
