you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
